WhatsApp And Partner: The Relationships Of The Double Blue Check

A message of   “good morning, I miss you” or a “how’s your day going?” They are simple gestures that enrich our emotional relationship. Now, the WhatsApp and partner symbiosis and the dependence on that double blue check can sometimes lead us to extreme situations, to dynamics of absolute control, to discussions based on misunderstandings that can end in ruptures.

A recent study published in the journal Computers in human behavior  revealed an aspect that shows us to what extent our relationships are changing. In this work, a survey was conducted of the American population between 18 and 45 years of age on the importance of messaging services in their day-to-day life, and specifically in their relationship with their partner. The result could not be more forceful: the use of WhatsApp was key to that relationship and a barometer of its quality.

Texting is an indispensable form of communication for most of us. We make use of this channel at the family, work level, with friends and of course with our affective partners. That immediacy in the response and that closeness that it gives us reinforce the relationships that are (above all) in the infatuation phase. However, things seem to get complicated when we strengthen that bond and reach the stage of coexistence or consolidation.

WhatsApp and partner: how does it affect us?

Texting is delicately intimate, yet distant at the same time. They strengthen the relationship, give us a loving impulse at those times of the day when we need them most and also enrich the bond with the person we love. We cannot therefore blur its magic, extinguish its charm or criticize its usefulness, because it has it. However, and here comes the inevitable “but”, something that couples therapists are seeing more and more is that this combination between WhatsApp and couples is often a double-edged sword.

Many of the difficulties, disagreements and problems are the direct result of this hyper-connected environment in which we are immersed. Digital channels have a curious characteristic: believe it or not, they are a mirror in which our true personality is reflected. There our fears and obsessions are channeled, there our capacity to respect or not and also our emotional maturity.

To understand it better, we only have to reflect on all those ways in which WhatsApp affects our relationship as a couple.

Ways in which WhatsApp mediates in your relationship

• Constant contact. We can start our relationship as a couple by sending each other messages every half hour. Most likely, at some point it will be impossible for us to maintain that flow of communication. The moment this happens, some of the members may start to become suspicious, panic, and wonder if something is wrong.
• Our endurance is tested. That symbiosis between WhatsApp and a partner is always put to the test with the famous blue double check. Leaving a message as read and not replying arouses suspicion. Sending a message at 6:00 p.m. and arriving at 6:15 p.m. without seeing the double check generates frustration and anger in many people.

• Who are you online with? Seeing that our partner is online with someone other than us leads to situations that are as bizarre as they are conflictive. There are people who stop being productive in their work by being aware at all times of the moments of connection of their partners.
• WhatsApp is not a good channel for effective communication. As much as we believe it, this mechanism often leads to constant misunderstandings. A fact that does not happen as often when we are face to face, thus being able to decipher that basic non-verbal and emotional communication in any relationship.
• Passive-aggressive behaviors. There are many studies that reveal this fact to us: the use of WhatsApp is an ideal channel to show those passive-aggressive behaviors where to manipulate the other, where to go from harassment to disconnection, and thus generate situations as painful as not very assertive and immature .

When we carry our love in our pocket

The fact that we have a mobile phone or a computer does not enable us to make good use of it, and especially of messaging services such as WhatsApp. Not when the use of them moves through a channel that we do not always control: the emotional one. We carry our partners in our pockets, love in the 21st century is portable and we don’t always make good use of it.

The fault, therefore, is not in the new technologies or in the constant advances of this sector. It is we, the people who do not advance in tune with these fabulous resources that, after all, are there to make our lives easier. At present, the combination of WhatsApp and partner shows once again our insecurities, our most immature and dark voids, those that lead us to distrust the other and make jealousy a weapon of mass destruction through messages, audios and emoticons.

Let’s avoid these situations. Let’s do it by better educating our young people, let’s also make this resource an enriching mechanism for our relationships, starting with ourselves first. Working on our emotions, our trust in the other and understanding that the authentic communication, the most satisfactory, is the one that is done through the eyes and not through a double blue check.