Insecurity And Low Self-esteem: Living On A Tightrope

Insecurity and low self-esteem have a direct relationship. There are many people who live on that tightrope where everything trembles, where you walk in fear, fearing that at the slightest mistake, the fall, the laughter in the background will arise. Not only temperance fails, when one feels fallible and one’s own lack of love dominates everything, it is impossible to achieve anything. Not even happiness.

Nathaniel Branden, a Canadian psychotherapist and author of The Seven Pillars of Self-Esteem , once pointed out that without that inner security that gives confidence and authentic self-love, it is impossible to face the most basic challenges. Social relationships, work, ability to achieve, personal projection and even love.

All these dimensions also tremble in the universe of the insecure person and with low self-esteem. On the other hand, there is an undeniable aspect. The world is neither good nor favorable for those who feel this way. The insecure child is often teased and mistreated at school. The adult who does not know how to defend his rights runs the risk of suffering dependent relationships, the kind that damage self-esteem even more.

What can be done in these cases?

Insecurity and low self-esteem: living on a tightrope

Low self-esteem always comes at a cost. All of our emotional balance depends on that support, that psychological muscle that acts as the most important psychological variable for our well-being. The psychiatrist Luis Rojas-Marcos tells us in his book Self-esteem that one of these explanatory factors would be in the way in which people speak to each other.

Beyond the multiple factors that tend to be behind the link between insecurity and low self-esteem, we often neglect the great relevance of internal dialogue. That soliloquy with oneself should always be kind, affectionate and focused on our virtues. Otherwise, we will feed that progressive wear and tear that always ends up affecting our mental health.

After all , low self-esteem is that dimension that orbits much of psychological disorders such as anxiety and depression. Let’s know more data.

What’s behind insecurity and low self-esteem?

We know that what we say to ourselves erodes self-esteem, but… why do we do it? Why does a person act as his worst enemy and distrust his abilities? It is important to remember first that self-esteem is not a stable dimension, it can fluctuate and be affected by our experiences.

• In many cases, the origin is in childhood and upbringing received. An insecure attachment bond, emotional deficiencies, isolation, mistreatment or even hyper-demand derive in that insecurity and lack of self-esteem so striking.
• On the other hand, it is also important to highlight traumatic events: losses, accidents, experiences of bullying or mobbing can damage this valuable dimension.

• Likewise, we cannot forget the impact that damaging affective relationships can have. The cost of a bond based on criticism, humiliation, emotional blackmail and jealousy can completely damage the self-esteem and personal safety of any of us.

How is the person insecure and with low self-esteem?

We have the idea that insecurity and low self-esteem outline someone shy, elusive and little determined. However, we forget that these dimensions can sometimes be behind aggressive and even narcissistic personalities. When someone perceives their shortcomings and weaknesses, they can develop defense mechanisms to shield themselves and try to fill those gaps.

• Someone who does not love himself experiences frustration, anxiety and psychological anguish and all of this can translate (sometimes) into aggressiveness.

• In other cases, the opposite may occur: instead of displaying aggressive behavior, it is the focus of the manipulations as the victim, being that person who does not know how to defend himself, who does not dare to claim his rights.
• Low self-esteem dilutes potentials, opportunities and life itself. Lack of self-confidence places us behind that comfort zone where nothing happens, where nothing happens.
• Last but not least, insecurity and low self-esteem are associated with multiple mental and physical health problems.

For example, something that has been shown is the close relationship of these dimensions with eating disorders. Thus, from the Infanta Leonor University Hospital, in Madrid, Spain, an interesting investigation was carried out in which to show that low self-esteem is a risk factor for developing these serious conditions.

How can I stop being my own enemy and awaken self-confidence?

Self-esteem does not recover from one day to the next. Not if we carry, for example, the weight of a traumatic upbringing, the wound of having spent many years suffering mobbing at work or the suffering of feeling the impact of a dependent affective relationship on our own skin. What can we do in these situations?

• Psychological therapy is the best resource to address the origin of these insecurities. Addressing these triggers and equipping the person with skills and tools to improve their internal dialogue is undoubtedly the best strategy.

• Likewise, it is also appropriate to keep a journal in order to identify unhealthy thought patterns. Detecting negativity, irrational thoughts and that voice that acts as a punisher, and not as a veil of our potential, is another essential step.
• It is also interesting to set simple goals and objectives on a day-to-day basis in order to conquer them. These small advances are strengthening our securities.

Likewise, it would be highly recommended to start new projects. Sometimes changes place us in new scenarios in which almost, without knowing how, a new “me” emerges. Someone who is excited about life and, above all, for himself.

That is the key.