How Does The Fear Of Deciding Affect Us?

Few fears are as widespread and shared as the fear of deciding. Deciding is a task in which we are supposedly experts, we decide every day and every moment. However, sometimes we are blocked and we do not know which option to choose.

The inability to make a decision can be experienced by people of different cultures, professions, studies and socioeconomic levels. We live in a society loaded with information, knowledge and that puts at our disposal and allows a great variety of options for (almost) everything.

On the other hand, and at first, we may think that having different sources of information and options could facilitate decision-making. However, many times it is having so many options that makes the task of deciding difficult and leads us to blockade.

One of the most frequent causes for this blockage, if not the most frequent one, in decision-making is an emotion: the fear of deciding. We can feel blocked, for example, when we doubt whether to continue with our partner or separate, change profession or job, have children, choose a career, etc.

Faced with important situations in our life or decisions that are not reversible, the fear of deciding can be very powerful. It can lead us to postpone the decision, with the incubation of the discomfort that this entails. That is, if I do not know what to do or which way to go, I will leave the decision for later. We can do it with the hope that new information will appear that gives us security or that it is the passage of time itself that seals some of the options that block us the most. As we see the fear of deciding influences our life a lot.

The fear of being wrong

This fear is arguably the most prevalent. The more important the decision, the greater the fear of being wrong tends to be. We are talking about a fear that has a very important adaptive function: to act with caution and protect ourselves and others. We perceive a great precipice and we make up our minds.

The fear of being wrong is a type of fear linked to the responsibility we have over a choice. It makes us reflect and assess the possible options before making a decision. It is a fear that is very present in situations that imply a change that is difficult or impossible to reverse and whose consequences are unlikely to be important.

Some people may also experience a strong fear of deciding in situations that are reversible and of low or medium importance, and even experience a high level of anxiety. They tend to be very rationed people who only follow the guidelines of their intuition in very few cases.

The consequences of the fear of being wrong

Feeling fear at the possibility of not choosing the right path can incapacitate us. It can lead us to a state of sustained indecision, to long reaction times and to the exhaustive search for external information regarding which decision is best to make.

One of the main derivations of the fear of being wrong is the search for the definitive information or conclusion. That is, we experience the false belief that by thinking and thinking we will reach a safe and certain conclusion that will end with the risk of screwing up.

An intense fear of being wrong can cause what in psychology is called “pathological doubt.” Pathological doubt is characterized by an obsessive search for absolute certainty, which is reinforced by a mental compulsion that is expressed through the constant raising of doubts.

The fear of not measuring up

In this case, we refer to situations in which the person is quite clear about what decision he wants to make, but doubts whether he will be able to deal with the effects or consequences of that decision. For example, a person who has to decide whether or not to make a presentation at a congress may end up declining the invitation because of precisely this fear, that of not living up to the other speakers, the expectations of others or their own. own.

The fear of not being up to the task can lead us to avoid roles of responsibility, concentrate on making minor decisions and delegate to others those decisions that are more relevant or weigh more. The problems that this fear generates are usually related to a feeling of low personal worth or low self-esteem.

In addition, the fear of not being up to the task can lead us to miss opportunities because we feel that we are not sufficiently prepared for the demands of the situation. We speak of a fear that keeps us within our comfort zone and limits our personal growth. Therefore, an effective way to overcome the fear of not being up to par is to work to improve our self-esteem.

The fear of not being in control or losing it

This fear appears in those people with a high need for control. If a person with a high need for control perceives that not everything that the decision implies is under his command, the decision-making process is paralyzed. For example, many people end up turning down a job that involves group projects for this reason.

Managing the need to control everything or engaging with a control freak can be quite a stressful challenge, as it is a very powerful need. In extreme cases, the need for control is seen in people with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder.

How to identify the fear of losing control?

The fear of not having control or losing it can be observed both during the decision-making process and when facing the consequences of the decision. The effects of this fear during the decision-making process are usually:

• The person has to review all the available information before deciding.
• It takes an indefinite time to think about the decision.
• The pros and cons of the possible options are analyzed over and over again.

We can also observe the fear of losing control when the decision involves a change in the person’s ability to control. In other words, we control decision-making, but the option we want to choose implies that we give up part of our control. Proposing to stop controlling the results of some routines can be a good way to start losing this fear.

Fear of social rejection

Feeling loved, respected and accepted is one of the basic needs of the human being . The fear of social rejection is very common in situations where a decision has to be made and all the possible options are, in a way, harmful.

We refer to situations in which choosing an option inevitably leads to neglecting a part of my needs or the needs of others. For example, situations we are in a position to arbitrate in a confrontation and we have to make a decision for or against the parties involved.

Problems generated by fear of social rejection

The fear of social rejection generates different problems, such as making decisions based on the approval of others and not on personal needs. Instead of choosing what would make us happier or more beneficial, when we are afraid of social rejection, we choose what others would like or that projects a better image of us.

To work on the fear of social rejection, Third Generation Therapy techniques can be used, such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. These techniques guide the person to accept certain aspects of their life and thoughts that they cannot change and help them make decisions based on their personal values ​​and needs.

Remember that making decisions is a task that you cannot give up or delegate. They are your rudder and the ones that will decide your future and make you responsible for it. In the event that it is any of the fears described that paralyzes you, you can always consult a professional.