Helicopter Parents And Agenda Moms, Parents Who Direct The Lives Of Their Children

We call helicopter parents and agenda moms to those parents who want to control and organize their children’s lives  completely. They act with the best of intentions but undoubtedly undermine the freedom of their little ones.

A helicopter parent or an agenda mom constantly reviews the children’s homework, homework, exams and activities, never ceasing to tie any lines or schedule every minute of the child’s life.

It is the guardian of each data and of each academic (and extra-academic) obligation of the child, generating in them a dynamic of authentic dependency. As a result, children have a harder time learning to take responsibility for their activities, obligations, and interests.

Helicopter parents and agenda moms who leave their children empty

With this overprotective attitude and with the desire to create a bubble of the characteristics described, we end up stimulating the “growth” of children who do not know themselves, who are unable to regulate their emotions and who ignore their needs and ambitions.

This relationship between parents and children is toxic, since children are enclosed in a hyperprotective bubble that seeks to be the most resistant of armor, when in reality it is the best seed of insecurity that we can plant in them. These children are also overstimulated, they do not tolerate frustration or boredom since they only know how to play the passive role to which they have been accustomed.

The origin of the term dates back to 1969, when Haim Ginnott wrote in his book “Between Parent & tennager” :. This phenomenon has been spreading socially and we have reached such a point that many parents blame (unfairly) the poor grades of their children on the teachers.

Helicopter Fathers and Moms Agenda:

• They make decisions for their children in all areas of their life.
• They watch every movement and try to please their children with every detail and immediately.
• They resolve their children’s conflicts and always try to give them solutions.

• They speak in the plural: “How much do we have to study on this subject!”, “What amount of homework they have given us!”, Etc.

This obsessive need to have everything under control ends up being devastating for parents, who end up exhausted. They try to offer their little ones a life full of perfection, love and care, offering them all the resources they can access and preventing them from making mistakes that due to age they should.

It happens that, in the end, reality prevails and the castles in the air crumble. These kinds of relationships end up drowning. Both parties end up frustrated and exhausted, causing major complexes and emotional problems.

Hyperpaternity that ends up reflecting depression and anxiety

According to different studies, the implementation of this hyper-protective parenting style has dire consequences in the short, medium and long term: depression, stress and anxiety.  A price that not only children will pay, but also their parents.

This deterioration responds to the impairment of three basic emotional needs: the feeling or perception of autonomy, the feeling or perception of competence, and the feeling or perception of feeling connected with others, especially in adolescence and with peers. Thus, anything that limits development and emotional growth brings devastating consequences on a personal and relational level.

Children must be educated with care and attention, basing the amounts of each one on common sense. We cannot meddle in the different spheres that make up their life or take responsibility for their obligations, as they will grow up feeling useless, incompetent and dependent and that is precisely the opposite of what we want.

Illustrations by Karin Taloyr and Claudia Tremblay