To Forgive Is To Let Resentment Go

Forgiving means much more than simply saying “I forgive you”, much more than returning to a lost relationship and even more than forgetting the act that caused us pain at a specific moment in our lives. When we truly forgive someone, we make peace with our own ego and feel in a state of wholeness, calm and freedom, because the resentment is gone forever.

When we have been hurt, either physically or emotionally, we go into a state of rage. Anger, while it can be a useful emotion if we want to defend ourselves from a present danger, is meaningless the moment that danger is gone.

Prolonged anger over time is poisoning us little by little, fills us with resentment, hatred, a thirst for revenge, which are all negative emotions that are useless at all. They will not erase the past and they will not work in the present or the future either.

Forgive rationally

To get rid of such negative emotions, such as anger, we can use the power of our ideas and our thoughts, so that we take control of our mind and take it away from the emotion. Thinking rationally implies not letting ourselves be carried away by impulses, by our imagination, not exaggerating or dramatizing the facts and, above all, abandoning the so-called “shoulds”.

The truth is that everyone is free to act according to their own criteria and not guided by ours, we like it more or less. Accepting this reality and being able to bear it without too much negativity about it, will make us finally be able to forgive those who hurt us.

Therefore, in order to free ourselves from that heavy feeling of resentment, revenge or sadness, we must think that other people are not exactly perfect, just as we are not perfect either. It is natural for human beings to make mistakes, to be confused, to act viscerally. For a reason, our emotional part is part of our most primitive brain.

Another rational thought that can help us is one that says that no one can cause us to suffer without our consent. This may sound weird, but it is reality. If we know who we are, we have a balanced self-esteem and a well-furnished head, it is impossible for them to hurt us; at least not through words or deeds that do not involve physical harm.

An insult can only harm me if I tell myself that that person should never insult me ​​or if I directly “buy” that person’s insult, I end up believing it and I make it my own. It is then that I am opening the door for it to cause me pain.

You may believe that this is extremely difficult to achieve and you are right to think so. Nobody teaches us to think this way, but rather to defend our dignity tooth and nail, to bring out our ego  as if each one of us were the most important being on the planet.

How can I know if I have come to forgive?

Although forgiving is a really difficult act and requires great courage, we can all do it. The rational thoughts described above are the beginning, but they do not end there. In order to forgive, it is necessary to believe and connect with what we are saying to ourselves.

You have been able to forgive if you feel inside each one or, at least, some of these points:

• You do not think that the other is a bad person, only that he has been confused.

You know that human beings are good by nature, they want to collaborate and not compete, but these highly artificial societies often teach us other things and we are confused. Everyone can fail sometime in their life because that is normal. You have definitely forgiven the other person when you are able to recognize this and this thought has ended the negative emotion.

• You have accepted the act that the other person did

You tolerate, accept and are aware that life is not perfect and people much less, therefore you accept that there are situations, acts, events that will not be to your liking and even that will go against you. It is part of life and if we see and feel it that way, it will not cause us so much damage. It is unpleasant that not everything is as we would like, but not the end of the world.

• You do not feel anger or anger when you see that person, but rather you want to help him or have it go well in life.

If your feelings are more compassionate than angry, then you’ve been able to forgive forever. You have your best wishes for that person, you sincerely want him to do well and rectify his behavior, which is nothing more than a sign of the misfortune that surely he already carries behind his back.

Forgiving is not an easy mental act, since in many cases it is born from your triumph in a tough battle against negative emotions. However, by doing so the first beneficiary is you, since you can stop suffering mentally for what has already happened; to do so is to loosen useless weight from that backpack with which we all carry.