The Success Trap: A Goal-Focused Life

We would all like to be successful, be it at work, social, personal or even in all areas at the same time. In fact, that is what society calls us today, what we ignore is that, in most cases, we are victims of the success trap. 

You just have to take a look at the advertisements, the messages of some media or the “motivational” phrases that some companies and certain professionals use to market their services or products. ” Become a successful person” , “being successful is easy, if you practice this daily”, “10 steps to success” or “success is only one step away …” are some examples.

Now, what does the word success mean to you? What comes to mind when you hear someone say that they are very successful or that they have succeeded on their own? Think about it.

The concept of success that makes us suffer

In our society, success is associated with the achievement of goals : a good job, fame, status, a luxury home, a great salary … When a person achieves these kinds of things, they are usually labeled as a successful person. The problem is that this conception of success also involves a certain amount of suffering, especially unnecessary suffering. It is the trap of success.

The success associated with the achievement of objectives is like an infinite spiral, the one in which if we enter we will never end up satiated because we will always be fighting for the next objective. Get a good job, pursue a better salary, later fight for a promotion, want to buy us a better car, a bigger house, more elegant clothes, get more status …

The point is that no matter how much we try to be and have more and more, almost without realizing it we will be lost in the labyrinth of success without knowing what the exit is. Although we deceive ourselves with statements such as ” when I achieve that goal, I will have achieved success .”

According to physician and psychotherapist Russ Harris, the success trap is distinguished by a type of mindset that involves at least three major problems:

• There are no guarantees that we can achieve those goals or they are so far away that all we will achieve is to feel frustrated and disappointed.
• In the case of reaching them, they will not provide us with lasting happiness, but a brief feeling of satisfaction, pleasure or joy followed by the desire to achieve the next goal.
• We will submit to constant pressure because we will need to maintain that temporary feeling of happiness to believe we are successful and successful, since the moment we do not achieve the objectives that we have set ourselves, we will become failures.

In addition, not only that, this mentality is responsible, in most cases, for a very vulnerable self-esteem. If the results are good, the self-esteem will be high, but when it is not, the self-esteem will be on the ground, due to the concept of oneself as a loser. The success trap has its consequences.

Living by our values: true success

True success is not about results, but about leading a life according to our values. In fact, this conception of success is related to the achievement of long-term goals, in which patience, effort and commitment facilitate the long journey to the goal. Of course, that goal, that objective is not inspired only in achieving it, but in the intrinsic value that it entails, a much more solid pillar on which to lean.

In this case, one does not study to be a doctor, psychologist or nurse, but for the central value that sustains that objective : helping others. The example of Martin Luther King that Russ Harris uses in his book A Question of Trust: From Fear to Freedom can help us understand:

Therefore, the option to live according to our values ​​as a definition of success determines that we can experience it at any time, as long as we live by them. Now, this does not mean that we give up our goals, but that we establish them from the values that we consider important to us.

We just have to change the direction of our focus, its light will no longer illuminate the result, but the process that must be followed to achieve it and that is subject to certain values, that is, to the way of acting that we will implement to achieve it. . An action based on commitment and involvement that will allow you to enjoy each step of the way, even when it is not possible to achieve the proposed goal.