A Mother Is Not A Best Friend: She Is A Mother

There are people who believe that the best relationship that can exist between a mother and her daughter is that of “best friends. ” However, this situation carries the risk that over time it will lead to mutual rivalry, loss of respect, role confusion and even invasion of privacy.

Children need an adult who sets an example for them, who is a reference of authority and respect. May it guide them and provide them with protection and support, so that they are in a position to display that emotional stability and mental health that they so require and that gives order to their existence.

The problem with this type of relationship is that the healthy limit of the mother-daughter relationship disappears. In principle, this link should be supportive and educational. But an apparent friendship transforms him into a controlling and overprotective nexus towards the daughter.

This results in the fact that a model of respect and authority cannot be built, because the mother is perceived as a peer.

In this type of relationship, unhealthy and confusing, a high level of insecurity is generated in the daughter, since her decisions are subject to the knowledge and approval of her mother, or else she will feel disappointed.

This sign of overprotection is disastrous in the development of the daughter’s personality, since it generates a harmful dependence between the two.

The different ways of being a mother

When the authority figure is not clearly understood by the daughter, she will experience a feeling of helplessness. Self-confidence will be damaged. You will hesitate when making decisions and compromise your aspiration for independence.

That the mother-daughter relationship is not one of friends, at no time does it mean that it cannot be close and enriching for both. But it is one thing to be friends and quite another to be a mother and daughter.

It is essential to understand the origin of this phenomenon. In most cases, this behavior on the part of the mother shows emotional conflicts related to dependency. And in some cases they are accompanied by depression and fear that the daughter will repeat her mistakes. In this sense, the mother must resolve these conflicts on her own or with professional help.

How to improve this relationship?

Daughters know that they don’t necessarily have to obey their friends. For this reason a mother must be loving, but firm at the same time. Also, a daughter does not have to find out about her mother’s intimate problems. This will lead to unfounded fears, sadness, and confusion regarding your parents’ relationship.

It is recommended that these types of relationships are transparent. It is important to build trust spontaneously and not as an imposition. Otherwise, a permanent state of anguish and mistrust is produced that will degenerate into useless emotional exhaustion, which can be avoided.

On the other hand, both mother and daughter, if they detect possible problems in the other, it is best that they manifest it. It is not healthy to keep quiet about what may be bothering one of the other. It is necessary to express it, always within a climate of sincerity and respect. In this way the relationship will be healthy and free.

What both should learn

Especially if she is a minor, the daughter must understand that there will be decisions about her life that her mother must make. Imagine the fury that would be aroused by the fact that those decisions were made by a friend. What a mother is forgiven, a friend may not be forgiven.

Misunderstandings between mothers and daughters can always be remedied. It is key to know how to choose the moment to do it. To the reciprocated affection and trust, you just have to add a little common sense, to settle the differences or possible dislikes that have arisen between the two.

It is important for the daughter to learn to solve her problems and thus gain independence. Let her know that the mother will always be there to support and advise her, as only a mother knows how to do. The daughter must also understand that there are aspects of her life that can be saved for her. That confidence level should not be exceeded, because it has its own history and its own path to travel.

And you, what do you think?