The Balance Between Feeling And Acting: The Key To Overcoming A Breakup
When a relationship ends, we can come to feel that the world is upon us. All our plans, hopes and expectations are suddenly thrown to the ground. All the time and emotional energy we put into that bond seems to have been wasted, and we are filled with an agonizing sense of failure.
However, like everything in life, it is a matter of perspective. In this sense, if you want to overcome grief, you will have to find the balance between feeling and acting.
When we are forced to face the end of our love relationship, each one tries to do what they know to survive. We move blindly, kicking in an ocean of pain and confusion for the sole purpose of staying afloat. But if you adopt the right strategy, a breakup can become a valuable resource for your personal growth.
Feel or act: the two extremes
There are two main attitudes that people tend to adopt when they end a relationship. Both are at the extremes of a continuum, so neither provides the necessary balance to face a duel without suffering.
It must be emphasized that pain will always be present when there is a significant loss. But this is diametrically different from suffering, which is generated by the resistance to accept what happened.
As for extreme positions, on the one hand we have those people who focus solely on their emotions. They live with intensity the fear, the anguish, the disappointment, the anger and the pain. These sensations become so intense that they occupy your mind and paralyze your life.
This emotional burden prevents them from continuing with their daily routines and self-care. Thus, they often tend to stay locked up, remembering and ruminating about what happened. Wondering why it had to happen to them and feeding those negative emotions.
At the other extreme, we find those who refuse to feel and devote all their energy to activities that help them evade their mind. They are people who surrender to their impulses after their breakup, who resort to alcohol or other substances, and who fill their daily tasks with the purpose of not having a single second to look at their pain.
The balance between feeling and acting
The above two positions lead to suffering and slow down the grieving process. In the first case, being invaded in such a way by emotions leads the person to forget himself, his needs and the life he has. In the second, stubbornly ignoring emotions will not make them go away. On the contrary, it will prevent you from growing and learning from pain and will lead you to act unhealthy.
The best option to overcome a breakup is to find a balance between feeling and acting. Give a space on each of your days for these two activities.
Feel
Take a notebook and write for fifteen minutes each day how you feel. Put in writing your emotions, your broken illusions and your desires. Take out the pain and disappointment uncensored, allow yourself to feel.
If you prefer, share your emotions with a trusted person, or simply reflect internally on it. The important thing is that every day you allow yourself to connect with your feelings, you can accept them and see how they evolve.
Act
However, don’t get stuck in feeling. You have already dedicated a space to emotional ventilation, and now you have to continue with your life. Focus on yourself, your responsibilities, your goals, and your leisure.
Fulfill your work or school obligations, go out to share and have fun with the people you love, set personal goals and work to achieve them.
There will be times when you just want to spend the whole day in bed and forget about the world. But you still have a life that deserves to be lived. So rearrange your closet, move the furniture around, start playing sports or painting, enjoy a book. Do everything that motivates you and helps you project yourself into the future, not to stagnate.
It is important to feel the loss, to give a place to the loved one in our history. It is just as necessary to continue building, step by step, our reality, our present and future circumstances. Life goes on, fortunately.
