Control Your Anger Before It Controls You

There are times when it takes us little to lose our papers and anger does its thing. We may feel extremely tired and more irritable than usual, a bad comment may drive us out of our minds, or simply anything overwhelms us.

In these moments anger takes advantage of us and invades us. We cannot handle our anger and we lash out at everything that moves even if it has nothing to do with the reason for our anger.

These situations consume and gag us, causing us to behave in an aggressive, irresponsible and sometimes even cruel way. After the storm we can feel very ashamed and bewildered, and the inability to recognize ourselves can consume us.

However, although we believe that it is impossible to manage our emotions in these moments, there are alternatives to control our anger. Here we will see some …

How can we control our anger?

The premise from which we must start is that being carried away by anger is not good. In other words, the fact that it is normal to get angry and even feel furious on some occasion must be differentiated from the possibility of not knowing and managing our anger.

It should also be noted that while anger is a healthy negative emotion, the uncontrolled, disproportionate and unhealthy version of it is anger. Therefore, our intention will always be not to allow anger to grow and give way to anger. How can we get it?

1. Recognizing the causes of anger

Each one must explore himself and become aware of what are the things that annoy him, bother him and contribute to generating discomfort, feelings of injustice, inequity, etc. Anger is always the product of our interpretation of what makes us angry.

2. Noticing the physical signs that warn

Although we must bear in mind that each one is a world, the usual thing is that when we begin to feel annoyed and angry our heart races, we feel like our insides are shrinking and we begin to notice heat and great internal nervousness.

As we have already discussed, anger can range from mild irritation to intense rage or anger. Therefore, the belief that it is better to get out of anger than to keep it inside is totally false. If we can identify the first symptoms, we can nip them in the bud before they get out of hand.

To achieve this, it is necessary to learn certain relaxation exercises such as interrupting our thoughts or controlling breathing (breathing with a rhythm of 2 or 3 seconds of inspiration and 2 or 3 seconds of expiration to return to normal) . We can also listen to music, do physical exercise, watch television, imagine something relaxing, etc.

3. Examining our thoughts

We may feel that our thoughts cloud and accumulate, frustrating the organizational attempts of our mind … That is why it is important that we recognize what kinds of thoughts we have to face in situations of anger :

• Hot thoughts are those that come to mind before, during and after and that make us feel worse. It would be something like “How stupid! He’s laughing at me! I hate this place! You’re going to find out!”

• Errors in our way of thinking: sometimes we tend to take things personally, to ignore the positive, to be too perfectionist or to see everything as black or white.

In this sense, we have to advocate for our thoughts to be more balanced so that “he always leaves me lying down” becomes “sometimes he doesn’t behave as he should, but other times he does . ” We can draw up a comparative list and draw on it when we need it.

4. Controlling our aggressive behaviors

If we can manage our thoughts and the physical symptoms of anger well, we will not lead to aggressive behavior. However, it is likely that at some point we will arrive, so we have to learn to handle it. How? Through three steps:

• First step. Identify what each aggressive behavior consists of, what happens before and what happens after. It is advisable to keep a journal about this.
• Second step. Make a list of alternatives for behavior other than aggressive. You can leave or withdraw from the situation until you feel calm, take a deep breath, try to understand the intention of others, etc.
• Third step. Practice that behavior the next time you feel violent or violent.

5. Solving your problems and trying to rest properly

Lack of rest and excessive worry can lead to an unusual predisposition to irascibility and angry behavior. That is why it is important that we tackle these situations, value them and do not postpone their resolution.

6. Communicating appropriately

Sometimes we take things too personally and, as a result, jump to conclusions about the intentions of others. In this sense, it is important that we improve our social communication and put the following tips into practice:

• It is important to stop and listen to the other person.
• We must not jump to conclusions. If something sounds offensive we should ask the person to explain themselves, but we should not fight back.
• We have to try to understand the feelings of others, usually this underlies what the person does or says. Remember that there is no invalid feeling and that we can probably avoid many arguments this way.
• We should try to express how we feel instead of saying unpleasant words.