5 Effects Of Separating From A Toxic Mother

Parent-child relationships are not always what one expects or imagines, or even how society “tells us” they are. There are no perfect or idyllic lives, although sometimes it is hard for us to assume that it is. Sometimes, one of the parents shows a series of behaviors that cause us suffering and harm and sometimes the children make decisions as tough as getting away from that parent in question. Today we will talk about the effects of separating from a toxic mother.

How can such a decision affect us emotionally? What are the effects of separating from a mother with whom we have a toxic relationship or who exhibits a series of behaviors that are detrimental to our autonomy and well-being? We are going to know some of them.

Effects of separating from a toxic mother

What are the effects of separating from a toxic mother? Are they all negative or are there also positives? Among them, we will find some of those described by real testimonies who have experienced this situation.

We will focus, above all, on what we can feel emotionally (and socially) when we make a decision as tough as this.

Isolation and misunderstanding

Separating from a toxic mother may at first involve experiencing a feeling of isolation and misunderstanding. This is so because, socially and culturally, “it is not well seen” to distance or separate from the person who gave you life.

That is why one of the first effects of this new situation may be this. Fortunately, however, this can be worked on and feelings will change over time. Above all, don’t hesitate: ask for professional help if you feel you need it.

Guilt and shame

Another immediate consequence of separating from a toxic mother is the emergence of feelings of guilt and shame. This, to some extent, is “normal”, although it should not be. As in the previous point, they are feelings that arise from the fact of having rejected your own mother, for whatever reasons (they are your reasons).

Guilt appears because you feel that perhaps you have not acted well  and you are afraid to regret it. In the case of shame, it is a shame experienced perhaps on a “social” level, by what they may say or think (unfortunately, we are very influenced by “what will they say” on a social level.

Release

Fortunately, not all the effects of separating from a toxic mother are negative. And it is that we make the decisions that we make because we think they will do us good (even in the long term).

Thus, liberation is another of the feelings that can arise as a result of this decision. You free yourself from the negative consequences of maintaining the toxic relationship with your mother, from suffering, from anguish … that is, from all the negative that that relationship generated in you.

However, it should be said here that liberation usually appears after working hard to accept this new situation (because it is a very complex and painful reality).

Note at this point that the positive effects of separating from a toxic mother go beyond liberation  and that they can also mean peace of mind and a definitive cessation of suffering for this cause.

Feelings of ambivalence

Separating from a toxic mother is a difficult decision; therefore, once taken, it is normal for ambivalent feelings to appear in you.

On the one hand, you feel liberated, calm, at peace … and on the other, you are afraid of having made a mistake and being left alone or having lost someone important. You have doubts. It is logical that these types of feelings appear. In addition, this stage is also part of the grieving process.

Uncertainty

A feeling of uncertainty also often ensues as a result of a decision as complicated as moving away or breaking up with your own mother.

Uncertainty is that feeling of lack of certainty about something, that concern that arises as a result of not knowing what will happen. Faced with an uncertain future, it is normal for these types of feelings to arise; To work on it, it will be essential to focus on the present moment.

Reflection

We have described just a few of the effects of separating from a toxic mother. However, each reality is unique and not all people follow the same process. What is clear is that a decision of this type will shake our lives in every way and it is logical that intense feelings of guilt, remorse, melancholy, sadness appear …

Fortunately, positive and liberating feelings also appear, especially if we work on this situation by going to a professional and starting a therapeutic process. In addition, this is so because, after all, we have ended a situation that caused us suffering and we have taken control of our lives once and for all.

Whatever you decide, reflect and think that there is no irrevocable decision. In addition, you can also distance yourself from your mother for a while and resume contact later, when things have calmed down or, directly, start a family therapeutic process with her.